Saturday, 5 March 2011

Light

I love the evening light, I went into the garden the other night, just to look. In a corner, some beautiful wee blue flowers are pushing through, my neighbour gave me the seeds some time ago. They grew into a gorgeous carpet last year. I'm so pleased to see them coming back. This night I stared, I'd forgotten completely their name. I crouched down (my back stabbed me, which I did not like one bit) and touched them and wondered: what the hell are you called? This is what is meant by cognitive difficulties and M.E, it's not normal absent mindedness, it's like part of a database has been erased. There's a hole where the word should be. I can be in a roomful of people and suddenly not know the name of someone I've known for years. Anemones. They are called anemones.

7 comments:

trousers said...

I note what you're saying about the cognitive difficulties, but what got me about this post was the sense of stillness in the apprehension of something lovely.

Mim said...

Coming back . . .

I love your saying, "What the hell are you called?"

There must be myths about anemones.

Yours for the lovely blue hour and anger too

Cusp said...

Oh I adore anemones.....any colour. They're so evocative for me.

Like your description of '...a hole where the word should be'. Sometimes its a hole and sometimes it feels like a cerebral stutter...I can sense the word and its dying to come out but just flutters and stutters and I'm left standing there looking foolish

nmj said...

Ah, thanks, all. Cerebral stutter, that's it exactly, Cusp.

Susannah said...

Anemones are beautiful. I had a collection of them before I had to sell my house. Miss them now!

I HATE cognitive issues. Tonight I made a fool of myself (for the millionth time) reading someone's twitter post to me as saying Lyme disease when it actually said Lupus!! I didn't even realise I'd done it till she replied. Sigh. Sometimes I feel like I have alzheimers!

zhisou said...

Nice - I love the cheeky signs of spring after a long horrid winter. Here that happened two weeks ago, I left work and walked out into light and a gentle breeze. I felt elated. The snowstorm the day after soon got rid of that feeling.

nmj said...

Z, We have snow today though the gales have died down. Always happens, you think you're in a new season and the old one gatecrashes in.