Thursday, 17 November 2011

Blowing your own trumpet

My back is fucked again, really it is getting ridiculous, I shouldn't be at my laptop but there are things to say.

I was,  many years  ago, shortlisted for the RLS Memorial Award on the strength of a short story. I didn't win, which in a way was good as I would not have been robust enough to go - everyone cycled through the forest to get their groceries - and that would have been  shattering, two stays in France being hijacked, my year abroad in 1982/83 when I first got ill, and this prize, two months in a remote, idyllic retreat.

But at least I was considered, my voice was heard, and that is what is maybe more important.

It strikes me again that here is so much pretense with this illness, you pretend you are more well than you are - for many reasons.

But in the end, you can't pretend, you can't keep up the mask. You can't sustain things.

And when you are in a severe phase, of course there is no pretending. Some people never get out of the severe phase: the wonderful Countess of Mar  in the House of Lords yesterday.

A pack of ME Research UK Christmas cards just arrived,  there are so many charities needing support, I always spread my choices over four or five. It can feel a bit like blowing your own trumpet when you send ME cards. My friends and family support me all year round and here I am reminding them that I am ill, but the money has gone to research so that is fine and dandy. But there are Amnesty International, Down's Syndrome Association,  Alzheimer Scotland, children with terrible diseases, starving children, children with no clean water, you would go mad if you thought about everyone who needed help.

And the abandoned cats in Greece (just saw an ad for them in The Big Issue).

Now I am off to do some cobras and corpse  positions (yoga).

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