Wednesday, 25 October 2006

Devil (cont'd)

As I have said before, I don't like to discuss this devil in a shiny suit/illness too much for fear of boring velo-gubbed readers (and myself), I prefer to refer to it through fiction, and the extracts of my book have been getting great feedback, thank you, all, for liking my words (I am unashamedly blowing my own trumpet!). But sometimes the illness has to be mentioned, and as this devil has resurrected himself quite spectacularly these last few days, it is actually quite hard not to mention him. Also, I just got a lovely email from Sofamum, a woman with ME who has a baby girl, and I would like to give her a mention. As I have also said before (see it gets boring), I have never felt well enough to contemplate motherhood, but there are, of course, women with ME who do risk it. My last bf wanted to have a child, but I didn't want to have a child with him, and this was not just because of my health, it was because were not nearly strong enough as a couple to even dream about parenthood; the only man I might have perhaps whispered the idea to if we could have afforded lots of help (and he could), appeared at first to be a knight-in-shining armour all those years ago (I was thirty), but later revealed himself to more of a heavy drinker-in-shining armour - what more can I say?

6 comments:

apprentice said...

Sorry you are feeling lousy. How do you deal with it biting you again. And what can you do, just take loots of rest? Hard time of year tioo feel bad as we slip towards the darkness again.

nmj said...

Hey apprentice, yeah, resting is important, but doesn't mean you feel better, these symptoms constantly lessen & worsen spontaneously, are always there in some diabolic form, but the fear always is that you are in for an AWFUL spell, that's why i get a little freaked out! I read archives of your blog the other day, there was something you said about Glasgow & clothes that made me smile, though I can't quite remember now what it was, I too am from the west, grew up nr Loch Lomond, the wasteland where we used to play on our bikes is now all fancy National Trust place.

greenwords said...

I'm sorry to hear the devil has put in an extended appearance. Short cameos would be much better, but I guess the bastard's always there, lingering.

Aaaah, the vexed issue of ME and motherhood. That's an inadequate response, I know, but I don't know what else to say today.

apprentice said...

Well here's hoping it's a blip, but I can apreciate the cliff edge living.

Was that when I was a Primark virgin? Glasgow's always more flash. I miss the west, apart from the rain!

sofamum said...

Thank you for the mention, nmj. It is that time of year for relapses isn't it? Mine has just kicked in spectacularly too. Re ME and motherhood: it occurred to me that I rarely mention that I could never have dreamed of embarking on it if I hadn't the incredible good fortune of 100% commitment from my man as well as a devoted mum and dad nearby who pick up the pieces of our fragile little family all too often. Realise I'm guilty of making myself sound too much of a heroine. I'm just lucky....

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling poorly.

I've noticed that heavy drinking tends to tarnish the shiniest armour rather quickly.

I hope you feel better soon!