Wednesday, 3 September 2008

A poem from twenty-five years ago

My oldest friend - since primary one - has sent me a poem. We are not in touch much these days, she lives down south, but she recently read TSoM and last night she sent me a poem that she had written in early 1983 after meeting me on the bus during the Christmas holidays. She said I seemed so scared - I had not yet been diagnosed and was going through all the tests and hell. She said she felt guilty afterwards because she had been distant, but this was because she was scared too, for me, and for herself. She was diagnosed with ME a year later and had to give up her medicine degree. She'd had symptoms for a long time (I didn't know, we were at different universities) and was probably the most talented girl in our  year - we were both academic but she was also athletic and musical and artistic. The poem fascinates me because it documents a moment that I have no recollection of. She says my hair was 'confused and deranged' (still is). The poem is girlish and intelligent but the last line is unexpected: 'And I know I should be dead too'.

I have put it on my pinboard. Thank you, A.


McBöbø said...

For a moment I went mousing around for your web pinboard, vaguely wondering what one of those might be.

Then I realised
You meant a board
With a pin in it.

Perhaps I need to come offline more?

nmj said...

Ah, Bobo, I am sure there is one, but I am a tradionalist & am dependent on my old cork board in the kitchen - ach, I can barely stand the newlook Facebook, it is confusing as hell!

trousers said...

I'm finally getting used to the new FB - I think it's designed to be confusing as hell :)

Must have been fascinating (I'm repeating the word you used, it's the best one) to receive this poem after all these years.

In a different context, I can understand that distance when confronted by something (or someone) which brings up fears in onself: it couldn't have been easy for either of you.

nmj said...

hey trews, i hate when they change things, FB is way too bright & flashy for my liking... (& i meant traditionalist, above).

Joni said...

Hello NMJ,
Nice to meet you ! I've just discovered you and your log ;), and I will be visiting every now and then. My name is Joni, 35 years old and homebound since '97. Got 12 months of Ampligen for one thing. Still struggling a lot but am also very hopeful and still looking for a better quality of life. I'll post about that once in a while on my log that I could start not that long ago. You are very welcome to have a look. I will put there a link to your log as well, if that's ok. We both have the urge for writing in common ;). But you, you already have your book! For which : CONGRATULATIONS !!! I will definitely try to get hold of it somehow. I wish you good luck with your new treatment and yes, just give it the benefit of the doubt. Nothing to lose there! Keep up the good work, girl ! I'll be back again.
Love, Joni (

nmj said...

merk, it is holiday reading, it is easy to read and funny if i say so myself. pls don't remind me of the typos- i have given myself a hard enough time but most people have not noticed any, or just one, but i know there are nine if you want details. but i did my best for there to be zero, yet somehow they got thru the editing/filtering net.

hello joni, nice to see you. i wish you better health.

Merkin said...

I shouldn't have been worried in advance - far too interested in the content to notice minor spelling details.